Mind if I bum one?

Free country.

Jesus. How can you stand this shit?

You get used to it eventually. So, mind telling me what brings you here?

Well, in the beginning was the Word, and the Word became God-

Clever. Too clever to come here regularly. So why are you here?

I don’t think I follow.

It’s simple, really. I’m out here because my bitch of a boss won’t let me smoke in the bathroom. That guy's looking for a peaceful place to puke, and that girl's about to add another notch to her bedpost. Why are you out here?

How can you be so sure that that's not her boyfriend?

Because I heard her talking to him on the phone as she dragged that guy outside. You still haven't answered my question.

You clearly spend too much time out here.

And you are clearly avoiding the question. You don’t seem to be the dark, brooding type.

You never know, I could totally be a dark, brooding person who wanted to have a quiet smoke.

Anyone who hacks their lungs out like that can hardly call their smokes quiet.

What, no comment on my non-ironic use of the word ‘totally’?

You’re a big boy, you’re old enough to realise when you’re fighting a losing battle.

I don’t know.

Do we ever?

As in, I. Don’t. Know.

Ah, having a bit of a pre-life crisis, are we?

You always this sarcastic? Helpful.

(To be continued? I don't even know, guys. I just wanted to prove that I'm not dead - Michelle B.)