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    Saturday, December 26, 2009

    'Tis the night after Christmas

    And all through the house not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse. Except for me, because I'm an idiot like that.

    I suppose I should offer yet another explanation as to why I don't update often. In my defence, I just found out I've written twice as many posts in 2009 as I have in 2008 (making it a grand total of 45 posts on this blog, but who's counting?).

    If you really want more regular access to the awesomeness that is me, feel free to check out my twitter or my tumblr. But be warned: the former consists of random, sometimes ranty, bits of useless information and the abuse of the word 'tweeple', and I like to think of the latter as your average irregular dosage of nerdiness, inspiration and eye candy.

    So yeah. Maybe more tomorrow, maybe not. I don't even know guys. I need sleep. And I'm starting to get hungry.

    Good night.

    Thursday, August 13, 2009

    Mind if I bum one?

    Free country.

    Jesus. How can you stand this shit?

    You get used to it eventually. So, mind telling me what brings you here?

    Well, in the beginning was the Word, and the Word became God-

    Clever. Too clever to come here regularly. So why are you here?

    I don’t think I follow.

    It’s simple, really. I’m out here because my bitch of a boss won’t let me smoke in the bathroom. That guy's looking for a peaceful place to puke, and that girl's about to add another notch to her bedpost. Why are you out here?

    How can you be so sure that that's not her boyfriend?

    Because I heard her talking to him on the phone as she dragged that guy outside. You still haven't answered my question.

    You clearly spend too much time out here.

    And you are clearly avoiding the question. You don’t seem to be the dark, brooding type.

    You never know, I could totally be a dark, brooding person who wanted to have a quiet smoke.

    Anyone who hacks their lungs out like that can hardly call their smokes quiet.

    What, no comment on my non-ironic use of the word ‘totally’?

    You’re a big boy, you’re old enough to realise when you’re fighting a losing battle.

    I don’t know.

    Do we ever?

    As in, I. Don’t. Know.

    Ah, having a bit of a pre-life crisis, are we?

    You always this sarcastic? Helpful.

    (To be continued? I don't even know, guys. I just wanted to prove that I'm not dead - Michelle B.)

    Tuesday, August 11, 2009

    “You see this goblet?” asks Achaan Chaa, the Thai meditation master. “For me this glass is already broken. I enjoy it; I drink out of it. It holds my water admirably, sometimes even reflecting the sun in beautiful patterns. If I should tap it, it has a lovely ring to it. But when I put this glass on the shelf and the wind knocks it over or my elbow brushes it off the table and it falls to the ground and shatters, I say, ‘Of course.’ When I understand that the glass is already broken, every moment with it is precious.”

    - Mark Epstein
    Thoughts Without a Thinker

    Monday, June 22, 2009

    Happy Father's Day!

    Belated, I know. But take pity on me, I don't have internet in the desert. I have to travel to town on a camel -__-
    It's a long and arduous journey.

    Monday, June 15, 2009


    I have. No words. For this.
    I just-


    Friday, June 5, 2009

    Snapshots (But no pictures. What?)

    A few days ago, the HELP Law Society ran a stall selling second-hand items and baked goods to raise money. I - being the loyal student (read: very, very bored with nothing better to do) - helped out. Sorry, I have no pictures to share right now, but instead, have a couple of snapshots:

    DAY 1:

    “So, all these things here are – how much?”

    “One Ringgit.”

    “What? Really?!”

    “I know.”

    “Jeez, might as well buy all these things ourselves and just go home.”


    “You’ve got some frosting on your face. Lower. Lower. Right. Right. Ri- Oh for God’s sake, hold still.”

    “ARGH. You got my shirt dirty!”


    “Vintage accessories! Cookies! Brownies! Cupcakes! Special offer, buy two cupcakes, take home a law student! We’re smart, we can do homework among other things. What?”


    “Are you making fun of my accent? Dude, not cool. I don’t even have a British accent!”


    “Ladies, do we have an offer for you! Spend at least fifteen Ringgit and you can take this young man home with you for free!”

    “So I’m the free gift now?”


    “Oh come on. I demand that I be priced for one Ringgit. I’m not that cheap.”


    “I love shopaholics.”


    “How about it? Two cupcakes, get this law student for free. Look at how tall he is! He could help you change lightbulbs or something.”


    “You know, we’d probably make more money if we sold pot brownies instead. But it’d be kinda ironic, being law students and all… Not to mention illegal…”

    “Or we could sell beer instead of Coke!”


    “Wanna buy some cupcakes? We have a special offer right now. Buy two cupcakes, take a law student home with you!”

    “What am I going to do with a law student?”

    “Do I have to explain it to you? Look, we’re smart. We can do homework. How about this nice young man here?”

    “What the hell?! I’m not gay!”

    “I’m not saying you are! He’s tall! He can do housework! I didn’t say you had to fuck him, just take him!”

    “Why are you so intent on giving me away?”

    “Because you won’t let me make fun of your height.”


    “Ooh, we can stand here with our cigarettes and look bad-ass. Like drug dealers or something. ‘Hey, hey. You wanna buy our stuff? It’s good shit, right here man. All the cool kids are doing it.’”

    End of Part 1.

    Sunday, May 17, 2009

    I have a cold. No, it's not an excuse as to why I haven't been updating as often as I should, and now that I think about it, it might not be a cold so much as an allergy or the result of poor sleeping habits and smoke inhalation (it's a wonder I haven't keeled over yet). Either way, I am now the proud owner of red-rimmed eyes and a nose that runs like an Olympic athlete. Every now and then, I go into impressive sneezing fits that leave me reeling and unable to decide between collapsing where I am or running to the nearest box of tissues to mop up my nose.

    It's not like I can say I didn't see it coming: the first sniffles started weeks ago while I was revising for my finals, and I tried to ignore them. I was a busy person, after all, I had my exams to worry about, and once those were over I had to go about celebrating both their end and my birthday in style. But did my sinuses care? Oh no. They just clogged up like nobody's business and left me exhausting my supply of Kleenix and eyeing the toilet paper as a substitue when the former ran out (Note to self: buy more tissues, and generic toilet paper is the absolute worst way to go, no matter what you may use it for).

    Currently, tissues are scattered around me as a garnish to the clutter in my room (by the by, Gerald McStackerson has been banished to a trolley bag under my bed, where he lives a quiet life of collecting dust and painting watercolours), and because I stubbornly refuse to take any medication unless absolutely necessary, I am trying to cure myself by getting lots of sleep and drinking liquids. Sure, it's easy for me to stick by a somewhat natural approach to sickness when I'm healthy, but right now all I want to do is shovel pills down my throat until my nose stops its impersonation of a faucet and I can get out of bed without wanting to crawl right back under the blanket and hack up a lung.

    All right, fine, it's not that bad. It's just a case of the sniffles, not the Swine Flu or the Black Plague. I'm not dying, but I will be hiding out in my bed reading all the books I bought at the Big Bad Wolf book sale, and I was healthy enough to be throughly embarassed last night. Twice. (Thanks everyone. I love you all. Really, I do. Just remember that I know where you all sleep next time you try pull this on me again.)
    I'll probably be back to my moody, emo, weird state in a few days. Cause to celebrate? Fuck yeah.

    Tuesday, May 12, 2009

    Oh wow. This is awkward...

    eh, update the blog lah
    been ages

    In light of the fact that my last post was- Holy Crap.

    My last post was over a month ago. What the hell have I been doing since then?
    Interesting question, that. Here's a summary (in no particular order):

    • Mooting Preparation
    • Law Ball
    • Hid away to avoid further drama
    • Stayed in hiding to study
    • Pushed my body to its limits
    • Started Finals
    • Turned 21
    • Celebrated, kinda
    • Started dance classes
    • Got screwed over for mooting
    • Took too many Facebook Quizes
    • Learned how to be happy
    • Became a little more awesome
    So yeah, that's what I've been up to. Not dead, just busy, and I need some time to recover from everything that's been happening. I'm also working on another story, so expect that to be up soon.

    Don't worry, I'll be back. Soonish.

    Sunday, March 29, 2009

    nobody but you

    nobody can save you but
    you will be put again and again
    into nearly impossible
    they will attempt again and again
    through subterfuge, guise and
    to make you submit, quit and/or die quietly

    nobody can save you but
    and it will be easy enough to fail
    so very easily
    but don't, don't, don't.
    just watch them.
    listen to them.
    do you want to be like that?
    a faceless, mindless, heartless
    do you want to experience
    death before death?

    nobody can save you but
    and you're worth saving.
    it's a war not easily won
    but if anything is worth winning then
    this is it.

    think about it.
    think about saving your self.

    - Charles Bukowski


    Regret nothing. Not the cruel novels you read
    to the end just to find out who killed the cook.
    Not the insipid movies that made you cry in the dark,
    in spite of your intelligence, your sophistication.
    Not the lover you left quivering in a hotel parking lot,
    the one you beat to the punchline, the door, or the one
    who left you in your red dress and shoes, the ones
    that crimped your toes, don't regret those.
    Not the nights you called god names and cursed
    your mother, sunk like a dog in the livingroom couch,
    chewing your nails and crushed by loneliness.
    You were meant to inhale those smoky nights
    over a bottle of flat beer, to sweep stuck onion rings
    across the dirty restaurant floor, to wear the frayed
    coat with its loose buttons, its pockets full of struck matches.
    You've walked those streets a thousand times and still
    you end up here. Regret none of it, not one
    of the wasted days you wanted to know nothing,
    when the lights from the carnival rides
    were the only stars you believed in, loving them
    for their uselessness, not wanting to be saved.
    You've traveled this far on the back of every mistake,
    ridden in dark-eyed and morose but calm as a house
    after the TV set has been pitched out the upstairs
    window. Harmless as a broken ax. Emptied
    of expectation. Relax. Don't bother remembering
    any of it. Let's stop here, under the lit sign
    on the corner, and watch all the people walk by.

    - Dorianne Laux

    Wednesday, March 18, 2009

    High Heels and Gasoline

    When they fight, it's with the familiarity of a practiced dance, screaming and stamping through every room. She throws things, and he tries to remember not to yell that he loves her after telling her how much he's regretted meeting her. In the morning, she will leave and stay elsewhere, and he will live as though he was the only person in the apartment the whole time.

    That night, they don't sleep in the bed. She curls up on the sofa and he stretches out as comfortably as he can on the floor. In the morning, she wakes up first, and covers him with a blanket before stepping into the shower. Her bag's already packed, clothes randomly thrown into one of her largest handbags in between curses, and when he steps into the shower a few minutes after her she lets him wash her hair and closes her eyes at his whispered prompt, letting the suds wash down her face.

    She can smell the familiar scent of his shampoo as his fingers gently massage it into her scalp, deliberately packs his toothpaste into her bag so that he has no choice but to use hers while she's gone.

    She's standing by the door when he comes out, bag lying at her feet while she fiddles with the deadbolt. Sometimes she would ask him to carry her bag for her, he would oblige. Today, she leaves without a word.

    While she's gone, he spends a lot of time with his friend. They watch sports and go out for drinks and he doesn't have time to think about her. He does, however, have time to remember that his heart is beating, and that he wasn't as aware of it as when he was with her.

    When they fight, their movements are in time, even on opposite ends of town. It's a series of complex steps held in smoky bars and dark alleyways while the dust from their crumbled hearts and wills settles around them. They think it's to rub it in the other's face, to show that they're above the other, even though they are so close that they could touch, in the exact same position, even though they can't see it.

    He buys a girl a drink, she lights a cigarette. The lighter is engraved with initials that aren't hers. Three hours, two drinks and a phone number later, they leave with swollen lips, napkins in pockets ready to be thrown away in the morning. It's about pain. It's about domination. They aren't sure whose, though. She knows that she could break him, he revels in the fact that he could make her come back anytime he wanted.
    When she stumbles into her sister's house, the woman takes one look at her. Places two aspirin next to a glass of water on the nightstand. She doesn't say anything. There's nothing to be said.

    She calls him first thing in the morning, reminds him to take his vitamins. She doesn't say hello or goodbye. Just reminds him to stay healthy. Her phone rings later that night, the sound of familiar breathing making its way down the line before a whispered Goodnight.

    When they fight, it's violent, each letting the other fall, catching them at the last minute, holding them up only to let them go again and turning away so that they don't hear the inevitable splat made when a body hits the cold ground.

    She comes back a week later. She cooks his favorite dish for dinner, adds chilli so that he can't eat it. He does the laundry in the morning, rips her favorite T-shirt after taking it out of the dryer.
    They're watching a movie; she says you smell like smoke, then lights a cigarette. He replies you look like a man, whispers I would go gay for you.

    It's another week before she starts to sleep in the bed again. He joins her the next night, pulls her close to him, tries to wrap his arms around her. She kicks him away, then quickly rolls over to cling to him. He rolls her over so that she lies on top of him, but soon after that they slide to opposite sides of the bed. Their heads are on the other's pillows. It's the best sleep they've had in weeks.
    The next night, he wakes up to the bed dipping next to him, but when he tries to touch her, she pulls away. She tells him to fuck off, he responds by wishing he didn't have a girlfriend who was so cold. Later on when her breathing evens out, he leans over, whispers I've always loved winter better than summer, returns to his side of the bed, and waits for sleep to come again.

    It's hot the next day. She says she hates the heat. He says he hates her.
    They fight again, this time to the beat of their sobs and breaking hearts. I'm not sorry, he mutters. He neglects to mention that he can't even remember why they were fighting in the first place, so why should he be sorry? She can't remember either, but she does remember how much of an asshole he was, how he could fill her heart and break it in one move. It doesn't matter that she's done the same. I'm not sorry either, she grits out.

    There are so many out there better than you, she screams. (I would have chosen you over them every time, she thinks to herself)

    I wish we had never met, he shouts. (Only so that I could find you again, he adds silently)

    She throws him out of the apartment that night. Instead of going to a friend's place, he decides to sit on the cold sidewalk, a cigarette in his hand burning down to the filter. He only realizes that he had fallen asleep when she sits next to him, arranging a blanket over their legs before laying her head on his shoulder.

    When they fight, they're synchronized in their heartache. She knows that he makes her feel things never felt before, pain and sorrow included. He's fully aware that she has him wrapped around her finger, even though the string may be a bit loose at times.

    I don't forgive you, she says as she sips her coffee over the sink. She turns around, tries to touch his arm. He moves away. I don't forgive you too.
    She sets her mug down, starts to leave the room, but he turns and pulls her into his arms. They say nothing, they just hold each other in the stillness of the kitchen.
    It's beautiful. It's fucked-up. It's what they are, and that is how they always will be, never forgiving, never regretting. But then again, when no-one apologises, what is there to forgive? They just continue to dance their dance, holding the other up, breaking them down, and pushing them away before returning to their side. When the music stops, all that is left is silence, the calm after the storm. This time is no different.

    Inspired by this dance:

    You won't find this on Craigslist


    Tuesday, March 17, 2009

    The Quiet World

    In an effort to get people to look
    into each other's eyes more,
    and also to appease the mutes,
    the government has decided
    to allot each person exactly one hundred
    and sixty-seven words, per day.

    When the phone rings, I put it to my ear
    without saying hello. In the restaurant
    I point at chicken noodle soup.
    I am adjusting well to the new way.

    Late at night, I call my long distance lover,
    proudly say I only used fifty-nine today.
    I saved the rest for you.

    When she doesn't respond,
    I know she's used up all her words,
    so I slowly whisper I love you
    thirty-two and a third times.
    After that, we just sit on the line
    and listen to each other breathe.

    Jeffrey McDaniel

    Monday, March 16, 2009

    Dedicated to my in-laws (and the lecturers, just for the lulz)

    Friday, March 13, 2009

    For the lulz

    What Is Your Battle Cry?

    Striding amidst the wasteland, attacking with a thorned whip, cometh Michelleiam! And she gives a low howl:

    "You in some shit now, muhfuh! I swear that on this night, you shall dine in hell!!"

    Find out!
    Enter username:
    Are you a girl, or a guy ?

    created by beatings : powered by monkeys

    When I entered in Michelle B., I got this bit of nonsense:

    What Is Your Battle Cry?

    Sprinting amidst the candy store, attacking with a bladed baseball bat, cometh Michelle B.! And she gives a booming scream:

    "I'm going to hump you into a fine spicy powder!!!"

    Find out!
    Enter username:
    Are you a girl, or a guy ?

    created by beatings : powered by monkeys

    Sunday, March 8, 2009

    25 more facts about me

    Seeing as how I can't think of anything to type out at the moment, I thought I'd just redo a meme I posted on Facebook the other day for the sake of updating (hey, an update's an update)
    Not that anyone reads this thing, anyway...

    Without further ado, I now present to you:

    (The sequel)

    1. I have this huge-ass red shirt that used to belong to my mother when she was pregnant with me. I later 'borrowed' (read: stole) it from her, and ended up taking it with me to college. Sometimes, when I get a little upset of homesick, I wear the shirt.

    2. My relationship with my mother is very complicated. While we will end up screaming at each other over some stupid reasons (with her often disowning me and me on the verge of tears because she's the only person I would never dare to answer back), the next days sees us being the best of buds, shopping and having coffee together while gossiping away. Maybe it's not all that unusual, but it still weirds me out how volatile our relationship is. I'm still trying to figure out if all daughters have that kind of relationship with their mothers, or if it's an odd result of the Chinese-Eurasian-Arab-What the fuck ever mix we've got going on.

    3. My heritage is so mixed that it tires me to fully explain it to strangers. So whenever someone asks me what I am, I just roll my eyes and reply:
    Ever since I've moved to Malaysia, I've been asked the question by just about everyone I've ever met. Even the non-Malaysians.

    "So what are you, exactly?"
    "No, really. What are you?"
    "I told you. Human."
    "Just answer the question lah!"
    "All right, ALL RIGHT. I'm part succubus. There, it's out. Happy now?"

    4. Say what you will, but the one thing that will offend me is being told that I'm not Malaysian or Lebanese. I strongly believe that my nationality is such a part of my heart that to be told that I have no right to belong to these the country of my parents is the biggest insult you can ever personally aim at me. I may not look like a national, I may not speak the language (goddammit, you can't fault me for not trying!), but the fact still stands that both Lebanon and Malaysia are my homelands. I spent my entire life defending where I came from, and while it may make any sense having two homelands, I still do.

    5. Yes, I grew up in Oman. No, I did not ride a camel around. I did, however, manage to convince three of my friends that it was an alternative form of transport due to the lack of decent roads. It was awesome: I managed to keep it up for over ten minutes before I felt bad and 'fessed up. (seriously, I had a name for my camel and everything!)

    6. I owe my infamous powers of bullshit to the large amount of useless facts that I keep in my head. It also doesn't hurt that I used to act and do Public Speaking when I was in school, so I can make a pretty convincing argument whenever I need to (a lot of the times I'm just too lazy or caught off guard)

    7. Most of the times I can come up with the most amazing come-backs ever. Unfortunately, they only occur to me at least an hour after the last word has been said. It's not just the come-backs that tend to escape me. If you ever see me perk up and shout out a random word or phrase out of nowhere, it's because I was trying my darnedest to think of it during some conversation earlier in the day.

    8. I have the weirdest selective memory known to man. I may not remember my best friend's birthday, but I can tell you in a flash what she's thinking just by the way she writes her notes. Hold a gun to my head, I still won't be able to recite Bingham's Rule of Law (I am so sorry, Mr. Lua), but dump me in the middle of a pub quiz, I'll walk away with the prize. Again, this could be due to the copious amounts of useless information I squirreled up in my noggin.

    9. Not only do I know a ton of weird facts, I will often side-track myself when talking. (for example: Eros (aka Cupid) was originally a virile, muscular god of erotic love, and the original Valentine's day was a festival celebrating fertility and sex. The chubby little baby we know today was an image created to appeal to public sensibilities by de-sexualising it in an example of just how unhealthy today's attitudes are towards sex. Come on, would Psyche be willing to scour the Earth for him if he looked like some aerodynamically-challenged cherub?
    In addition, his daughter was known as Hêdonê, whose name is the etymological root of hedonism. If you're following Roman mythology, the daughter was known as Voluptas, the goddess of sensual pleasures. Go on, wrap your head around that.

    Where was I? Oh yeah-)

    ... I think you get the picture. If I'm in a good mood, try and strike up a conversation with me. On a good day I'm like a Wikipedia page. On a bad day, I'll just give one-word answers until I either warm up to you or I yell at you to go away.

    10. I have a great interest in mythologies, most notably Greek and Roman. However, I had to put my interest on hold for the time being so I can utilize the brain cells for my exams. I've also found Celtic legends very intriguing, and have been interested by fairies and the like ever since I was a child. I actually forayed into Wicca for a period of time because it seemed so like something out of my childhood imagination (yes, yes, let the hating begin).

    See what I mean about side-tracking myself?

    11. ?????

    12. PROFIT!

    13. If you got the last two points, congratulations: you're as twisted as I am. Leave me a comment so we can be together-gether in our depravity.

    14. I spend way too much time on the internet. (ORLY?! YA RLY!)

    15. I cannot dance for shit. Honestly. Try and find me in a club, I'll be the spaz doing what looks like a cross between a whale having a seizure and the peanut butter jelly time song. It's embarrassing.

    16. The touchpad on my laptop has a very annoying habit of going into fits while I'm working. I could be reading something or having a conversation, when the cursor decides to flicker across the screen in a high-tech version of St. Vitus' Dance. It's really annoying, because due to my multi-tasking I often have several things going on: downloads, multiple windows and conversations, programmes... On one hand, it doesn't really bother me because I know a ton of keyboard shortcuts. On the other hand -- dude, my touchpad has epilepsy! WTF?
    One of these days I'll get it fixed. No, really.

    17. My lecturer reads my blog. Yeah, I know. Weird right? Sir, GO TO SLEEP. You need your energy to bore us to death in class!

    (I'm kidding! I'm kidding! Please don't fail me, I love Constitutional and Administrative Law! Really!)

    18. I love doing crossword puzzles. I haz a shiney new book full of 'em ^_^
    Seriously, crosswords pwn sudoku any time of the day. There's something so satisfying about scratching out a clue afterI fill in the little white boxes. I stopped doing them for a while when I started college, but decided to revive the hobby when I relalised that my English was going down the toilet.

    19. I tend to sign up for dozens of sites with every intention of being an active user. As of now, I am a member of:
    • Dailybooth
    • Facebook
    • Blogger (AHAHAAHAHAHAA)
    • Tumblr
    • Livejournal
    • Forumwarz (which is actually a really interesting game, especially if you get half the jokes used on it)
    • FriendsorEnemies
    • Twitter
    • Def Jam Records
    • Stumbleupon
    • Youtube
    Yup, I spend way too much time online. I need a life, people.
    Half of these sites are either for the sake of lurking or joined with delusions of active posting.

    We can all see how that's coming along.

    20. Even though I could probably fit him into my back pocket and walk off, with him I have a huge thing for Andy Hurley, the drummer from Fall Out Boy. Don't ask me why, I don't even know.

    Wait, never mind...

    21. Uh... Oh yeah. Um... Guh... Oh God his hips...

    22. As of tonight, I have 3626 songs on my iTunes. This does not include the various CDs I have scattered around waiting to be ripped. I'm still looking for more, so if you have any suggestions, feel free to drop me a line or pass me a CD or thumbdrive next time you see me. I'll try almost everything once.

    (Yes, that is Zac Efron you see there. Shut up
    And yes, I have listened to all the songs.
    Shame on you for thinking otherwise.)

    23. I absolutely love the smell of durians, because it reminds me of summer holidays and being young. When I was living in Oman, we would go to Malaysia to visit our family during the summer. Because my mother loved durians, she took the opportunity to eat as many as she could. As a result, the whole house would smell of the fruit.

    It was only a few months ago that I started to love the stuff, and ever since then, I can't get enough of it. Such a shame it's fattening.

    24. I used to write when I was younger. The whole reason I started this blog was to get back into it, because law was taking over my life to the point where the only thing I wrote was my essays and assignments, and I missed the fun of it all. Nothing ever compared to the thrill of writing down the final word of a piece I was working on. Of course, I never was entirely happy with my work, but then again, who was?

    Even if I had put my whole heart and soul into some short story or poem, the next day would find me ready to rip it into shreds because it always seemed to fall short of what I had in my head. Call me picky, but the only reason I handed in my English essays in on time was because of the deadline. If not for that, then I'm pretty sure I would still be working on my fictional interview with Rowan Atkinson (yes, I still remember that. And the children's book that I wrote. I should re-write that and work on the illustrations some more...)

    25. I am currently wearing Super Mario pajama pants. Truefax.

    Wow, that was long (that's what she said! AHAHAHAAAHAAAAA!!! Sorry... I have no excuse for that). A post of this length should be worth about two more, right?


    I'm just gonna go into hiding for a while and re-acquaint myself with my textbooks.

    Sunday, February 22, 2009

    My room is messy. Not like that's a surprise to anyone who knows me: I was famous in high school for having things enter my room and never coming out.

    Currently, I live in a tiny little hole in the HELP residence with my roommate (another Michelle! Hey hey ^_^). No, not tiny, cozy. Or at least that's what I tell myself when I keep on bumping into my roomie while getting ready for class.

    The problem with living in such a small space is that it gets cluttered so easily, especially when you are in a reading-intensive course (Ah, law school) and have a ton of books, notes, cases and other assorted gibberish scribbled onto bits of paper to decipher. I deal with all of the above by using an impeccable filling system: I throw everything out of my bag and onto the desk the minute I step through the door.

    This would be a great plan, if not for the fact that my desk is about the same size as a newspaper opened out.

    Currently, I have a stack of papers the height of a midget reigning over my desk with various bits of junk scattered around as its subjects. Every now and then, the stack - who I have affectionately named Gerald McStackerson- tips over on its own accord, as if to remind me of its presence.

    It's not like I can't find anything in the mess. Oh no. Ask me where anything is, and I'll dart my hand into the chaos and pull it out within seconds. It's just that it would be nice to actually sit at my desk and work instead of balancing everything on my knees while I sit on my bed.

    Gerald continues to sit on my desk, looming ominously over me while I go about my work, silently mocking me and my fear that he would tip over and throw the desk into even more chaos. I can hear him laughing at my laziness and how he stands as a testament to my messy ways: cruel, mocking chuckles that echo in my ears and haunt me even after I have left my room far behind me.

    His arrogance will be his downfall, I think to myself. He stands next to me as I type this, blissfully unaware of what is to come. The resistance is rising, and it will not be merciful.

    Oh yes, I will regain control over my desk one day. Just you wait, McStackerson, just you wait. One day, your reign of terror will end, and the desk will be mine again.

    Saturday, February 21, 2009

    Where realisation is poignant

    Wednesday, February 18, 2009

    Tagged by Nada

    Post as 100 truths and tag 20 people

    001. Real name → Michelle Augustin Barbour
    002. Nickname(s)→ Mimi, Mish-mish, mishi, B., Micha
    003. UNDEFINED. → Um...
    004. Zodiac sign → Taurus
    005. Male or female → Female
    006. Elementary → Azzan Bin Qais
    007. Middle School → Azzan Bin Qais
    008. High School-> Azzan Bin Qais
    010. Hair color → Dark Brown
    011. Long or short Hair → Medium
    012. Loud or Quiet → both
    013. Sweats or Jeans → Jeans
    014. Phone or Camera - Phone.
    015. Health freak → Haha, NOOO
    016. Drink or Smoke? → Both
    017. Do you have a crush on someone? Meh.
    018. Eat or Drink → Both :)
    019. Piercings → 10 ears, one nose, one tongue and one labret
    020. Tattoos → Not yet :p

    023. First piercing → ears
    024. First best friend – Elias
    025. First award → I think it was for good behaviour at a function...
    026. First crush → James. lol
    027. First pet → A turtle whose name I can't remember...
    030. First big birthday → Fifth :)

    049. Eating → Fuji Apple Mentos!
    050. Drinking → Nothing
    052. I'm about to → study for my Criminal test
    053. Listening to → Not Ready to Die by Demon Hunter
    054. Plans for today → Take a shower, collect my laundry, finish studying and cleaning my room.
    055. Waiting for → My HSBC card to be sorted out.

    058. Want kids? → Sure
    059. Want to get married? → Meh
    060. Careers in mind → Evil genius seems like a good idea.

    068. Lips or eyes → Eyes <3
    070. Shorter or taller? → Taller
    072. Romantic or spontaneous → Spontaneous
    073. Nice stomach or nice arms → Either. Both. Doesn't really matter.
    074. Sensitive or loud → Both
    075. Hook-up or relationship → Eh. Not like I'm getting either at this point in my life.
    076. Trouble maker or hesitant → Trouble maker :)

    080. Lost glasses/contacts → Nope.
    081. Ran away from home → Nope.
    082. Held a gun/knife for self defense → I used a spoon once...
    083. Killed somebody → Not yet... >.>
    084. Broken someone's heart → Not entirely sure...
    085. Been arrested → Nope
    087. Cried when someone died → Yes.

    089. Yourself → Kinda
    090. Miracles → Yup
    091. Love at first sight → Nope
    092. Heaven → Yes
    093. Santa Claus → Yes
    094. Sex on the first date → No
    095. Kiss on the first date → Yes

    097. Is there one person you want to be with right now → Yes
    098. Are you seriously happy with where you are in life → Yes
    099. Do you believe in God → Not really.
    100. Post as 100 truths and tag 20 people→ Um...

    Tuesday, February 17, 2009

    You know those days when it's a bad idea to get out of bed? When things always go wrong, and nothing you wanted to do ever gets done, and the world seems to be made up of that cruddy, mouldy stuff you find in the cracks of the bathroom?

    You know those days, right?
    That's when I read this out loud:

    And I crack up. Because laughing at silliness is what keeps us young.

    Source (And guide to pronunciation)

    Saturday, February 14, 2009

    Bitter? Moi?

    Wednesday, February 4, 2009

    Indecisivity and changeiness

    Oh yeah, those are real words.

    For those of you who care, I've been making some changes to the blog. First it was the header picture, then the name, and the next thing you know, I'm trying to think of a new URL while wondering if purple is a good background colour.

    If you've just signed in, this place used to be called Early Theory, after Viggo Mortensen's poem "Communion".

    Now, this blog shall be called...

    I am the Penguin.

    Don't ask me why.

    Tuesday, February 3, 2009

    Where I drive my chevee to the levee.

    Fifty years ago today, Buddy Holly, Richie Valens, and J.P. Richardson - known as “The Big Bopper” - died when their plane crashed shortly after taking off in Clear Lake, Iowa. That day became known as "The Day the Music Died", the phrase being popularized by Don McLean's song "American Pie".

    Now, I could get into the details of the crash, of how a friendly banter between Tommy Allsup and Richie Valens would end up haunting the former for the rest of his life, but I won't. It's not my thing to wax eloquent over matters that have happened in the past (nor do I have the time to draw comparisons between the music scene of then and now and theorize on what would have happened if that plane hadn't crashed), and while I do acknowledge the role that these three individuals have played in the history of music and how their death affected the world, I hadn't listened to enough of their music to be a fan of their work.

    Besides, this happened before I was born, so I have no personal experience to put into writing here.

    Instead, here are some links to places where you can find out more about this day in history:

    Mental Floss
    The Fifties Web

    one word. so little time.

    Word for January 30, 2009: Remember

    so i'm standing on the stairs, fumbling for my cigarette. it's cold, starting to rain, and i have no idea where i put my lighter. cigarette in hand, i set off to the parking lot to find someone with a lighter i can borrow. that's when i saw you.

    it's been a while, but it doesn't stop hurting.

    Word for February 3, 2009: Sprout

    I'm plucking out clumps of grass as you sit next to me and talk.

    They're green, fresh, and maybe i'm defacing the lawn right now, but i don't really care. it's as if the sprouts offend me in a way, and i'm taking out my anger on them. It's just- just-

    why should they have the chance to grow when we can't?

    Awesome site. You should visit it if you have trouble finding things to write about. Or just want to waste time and look busy while doing it. Warning: It's a bit addictive, even if you end up babbling crap like you see above.

    In which online shenanigans are shenanigan-y

    A little old, I know, but it was worth noting. Sorry about the size, but you should really click on it and read the text.

    Meanwhile, on MSN...

    Monday, February 2, 2009

    The one where the only thing that doesn't hurt right now are my eyes.

    Urgh. Everything. Hurts. My body hates me so much right now. So. Much.

    I just want to lie in bed right now until it all goes away.

    Preferably with him next to me.

    Monday, January 19, 2009



    Cold shower.

    Rush, rush, rush.

    Tired. Pain. Don't want to do this anymore.


    Open laptop.

    Log in to Hotmail.

    Read your email. Again.


    Half an hour late.

    Look like shit.

    No sleep.

    Feel great.

    Sunday, January 18, 2009

    The Jackass of Vanvres

    In 1750, Jacques Ferron was caught having sex with an ass and sentenced to death.

    To add insult to injury, the ass had a character witness:

    The prior to the convent … and the principal inhabitants of the commune of Vanvres signed a certificate stating that they had known the said she-ass for four years, and that she had always shown herself to be virtuous and well-behaved both at home and abroad and had never given occasion of scandal to any one, and that therefore 'they were willing to bear witness that she is in word and deed and in all her habits of life a most honest creature.'

    The ass was acquitted, and Ferron hanged.

    From Edward Payson Evans, The Criminal Prosecution and Capital Punishment of Animals, 1906.


    Wednesday, January 14, 2009


    Which creature of the night are you?
    Your Result: Sorceror

    Control is the name of your game. You are a studied tactician and scientist and you seek a kingdom where things make sense, damn the morals, even if you have to create it. You are cold, calm and calculating.

    Cthulu Spawn






    Which creature of the night are you?
    Quiz Created on GoToQuiz


    So far:

    I drew all over my hand during class, because I could.

    I went back home and took a long nap, because I could.

    Before I went to sleep, I thought about him, because I could.

    I woke up and had a long lunch/dinner where I stuffed my face, because I could.

    I took the longest shower possible, because I could.

    As I did, I decided what time I'll be going to sleep tonight (eleven, I think. That should let me wake up early enough to laze around before I go to class)

    I bought new nose studs and blackcurrant tobacco, because I could.

    I realised how blessed and great my life is, and it is, because I could.

    Tonight, I'll be reading one of my favorite books before I go to sleep, because today, and just for today,



    Wednesday, January 7, 2009

    Sleepless in KL

    I hate jet lag. While I relish the thrill of traveling across time zones (not to mention the Duty Free shops and the goodies they hold within), it's the aftermath that turns me into a cranky, irritable she-devil willing to kill the next person who pisses her off by breaking their soul. You get the picture.

    While I've been able to wake up in time for class ever since I've returned to KL, I still have times where I wake up in the middle of the night because my brain is running four hours behind my body. This in turn would lead to a conversation between my brain and my body that goes a little something like this:

    BRAIN: Hey Body, what're you doing sleeping so early! The night is young, and so are you!

    BODY: $%&* you, Brain, it's 2am!

    BRAIN: No it's not, it's only 10pm! Let's go out and party! Hooray!

    BODY: Go away! I'm tired!

    BRAIN: No! I love you!

    BODY: I don't! Go away!

    Mind you, all this would happen with a very tired Michelle B. staring wide-eyed at a darkened ceiling.

    Due to delightful conversations such as the one above, I wind up having a lot less sleep than I should, which end up with me having to drag my sorry caboose to class while fervently praying to any deities above that I don't fall asleep during the lectures and end up with a sore neck. Or miss out on what the lecturers are saying, I guess.

    On the plus side, my jet lag has given me an excuse for my usual rambling ways. Not like I needed an excuse of some sort, I'm just weird like that everyday, any day.