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    Thursday, May 29, 2008

    Well, today's the funeral. And it's raining. Heavily. Why am I not surprised?

    Wednesday, May 28, 2008

    Well, it's the second day since my grandmother passed away. To be honest, I think I'm still in shock, but the sun's still shining, people are still going about their lives, and everything looks the way it should be.

    I guess it might be the fact that I had already made my peace with my grandmother's illness, or maybe the distance helped soften the blow a little so I don't feel as... devastated, I guess at her passing.

    I just got off the phone with my mom. She's coming down to KL on the 4th to attend the memorial service for her mother (my other grandmother. See what I mean when I spoke about an extended mourning period?) and leaving on the 22nd.

    In other news, I've changed the layout of my blog. Whaddya think?

    Tuesday, May 27, 2008

    My grandmother passed away. I just got the call a few hours ago, and it turns out she might have passed away sometime during the night. My family only found out this morning, I just found out earlier this afternoon.

    I'm still in shock, and very emotionally confused. On one hand, I'm happy that her suffering is finally over. On the other hand -- She's gone. And I didn't have a chance to say goodbye. I don't even have a chance to attend the funeral, even though I want to with every fiber of my being (it's funny how cliched that phrase is until you actually experience it. Wanting something with every single fiber of your being, until it's pretty much all you can think of, really)

    Right now I'm trying to continue like nothing's happened. After all, I usually don't bounce around like a hyperactive chipmunk. I'm pretty sedate most of the time, so I shouldn't look too different right now. I think. I feel like there's a big sign on my forehead: GRIEVING. DO NOT DISTURB.
    Or at least, there should be one. I really wish I could be the melodramatic type: Sobbing everywhere, rocking in place, tearing my hair out etc., but what use would it be?
    My grandmother would still be dead, and I'd have no hair.

    She had pancreatic cancer. The doctors had basically given up on her a few weeks ago, as she was too weak to operate on.
    She didn't deserve this, not one bit. She suffered so much in life, raised some kick-ass kids, and worked so hard for them. She. Did. Not. Deserve. This.
    She shouldn't have to live her last days in so much pain, wondering what was wrong with her, with no-one telling her. She deserved so much more.

    But then, who am I to decide that? I'm not God, although I often wish I was, just to know what was going on in the Big Guy's head.

    It's kinda funny, in a sick, twisted way. I'm almost done with the mourning period for my other grandmother, and this happens. Looks like my hair's going to reach the floor by the time we're done here*.

    I'm sitting in my hostel's common room as I type this. It's raining, just like it was when my other grandmother passed away. I guess it's times like these when we realise just how precious everything is to us. I don't know what I would have done if my friends weren't with me when I got the call, I really don't.

    I don't really know what else to say at this moment.

    *The Chinese believe that when in mourning, you're not supposed to cut your hair or nails for 49 days. Since I'm 1/4 Chinese...

    Wednesday, May 21, 2008

    All right, I know I've promised myself that I'd keep this thing updated on a regular basis, but I just can't. Well, I can, but I'm just too lazy to do it.

    Nothing interesting happened today, really. Woke up late (such a luxury after nine months of sleep deprivation), and just lazed about. Was going to walk to Subang Parade just for a change of scenery, but it started raining. Granted, it only rained at five or so, which was well after I was supposed to go, but hey, who am I to ignore a sign from Mother Nature herself?

    Tomorrow, I think I'll go back to my hostel to surprise a friends who's leaving for Pakistan. Urgh, this means I have to suffer the public transport system with no iPod. I really should buy some ear-buds...

    Anyway, nothing much to report here, so here's a video of Darth Vader being a smartass:

    Sunday, May 18, 2008

    Why, hello there

    So I've decided to start a blog.

    It's not the first time I've done this, oh no. It was during my emo, nobody-loves-me-but-the-internetz phase when Unnecessary Evils was born, and died. And was revived. Several times.

    I have a short attention span, so whenever I start something new, chances are that I'll keep at it for a short period of time before I lose interest.
    This time, though, I'm going to be a little different. That's right: This time I'm going to put much more effort into updating it, and should I lip up and/or get lazy, I guess you all (as in, the readers) have to nag me to keep it going. Unless it sucks, then you'll have to help me bury it.

    So here we go: my first entry.
    This is pretty difficult, because it sets the pace of whatever's to come. It's basically the first impression I'm going to make on the world, which is why I want this blog and all its entries to be just. Like. Me.

    I would really like to list down the things you could expect from this thing, but what would be the fun in that? The surprise would be lost, I'd just be spending all my free time scrambling around trying to keep this thing updated and freaking out if I really can't find the time or inspiration to do so.

    So I'm going to stop here, and leave you until my next post with one word: